day 51.

Today’s self-care looked like a hair cut and color from my amazingly talented friend Naomi. Seriously, she is so good at what she does. Getting my hair done is my biggest beauty splurge, and I honestly feel like it is totally worth it (luckily this time I had a coupon for 50% off color, which didn’t hurt).

I also slept in because it was a holiday and I didn’t have to go to work. I was up way too late the night before and had spent a decent amount of time crying (it was a good kind of emotional release sort of crying, but boy, did it wipe me out), and the sleep was much needed. And because I still didn’t feel totally with it after getting my hair done, I made the decision to skip class. Just this one time.

I’m glad I did, as I went home and napped and then went out for wings with my housemate. I would have been totally useless in class, and I don’t want to be there if I can’t be fully present and participate. I was emotionally and physically drained.  So, I gave myself the night off. I’m learning through this process that a lot of what self-care is about is prioritizing my time and being really honest with myself about what I need when. Tonight, I needed to not be in class. And I’m ok with that.

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my favorite astrology blog.

Virgo Magic.

Looking into astrology is a newer thing for me. Maybe it’s living in Portland, maybe it’s just really finding some insight in what I’ve been reading and going through, maybe it’s my Saturn Return. Who knows. What I do know is that I really love reading this blog and giving some greater context to what I’m dealing with at an acute level.

Emily Trinkaus, the author, writing on the upcoming new moon in Pisces and hitting it home for me again and again:

Stepping into the ocean of grief takes courage — there can be a fear that if we really dive into it, we might drown. Traditional cultures typically provide containers for grieving through ritual space, but in Western culture, grieving is not honored as an essential process for the health of individuals and the community. In fact, pharmaceuticals are now routinely prescribed to “treat” grief, as if grieving were a disorder rather than an appropriate, necessary response to loss…

Every New Moon calls us inward. The night sky is bereft of moonlight, vitality is low, and we’re in that limbo space between the end of one cycle and the beginning of the next. The Pisces New Moon, Tuesday at 2:35pm PST, especially wants us to turn down the volume on outer-world activity and mental distractions, and tune into the realm of feelings. Create a safe space for yourself to feel whatever feelings you’ve been avoiding or repressing, and trust that if you go all the way through, you will come out the other side, cleansed and renewed.

I feel like I’ve been processing a lot of grief over the past few months, and for the first time in my life really giving it the space it needs.

Tomorrow, on the new moon, I plan on continuing this work and taking her words to heart.

a home of my own.

When I’m feeling overwhelmed, or like I can’t get to where I want to be, or I just need to slow down, I look at cabins. One of my favorite sites to lose time on:

Cabin Porn

Woo Alert: I’m a capricorn with a taurus moon and a cancer rising. Needless to say, if you know about these sorts of things,  home is something that is extremely important to me. I daydream all the damn time about having my own little place tucked away in the woods somewhere. A place to call my own.