day 119.

I haven’t abandoned this project, I swear. I do feel like I’ve gotten away from it a little bit, and getting back into the habit of writing and documenting has been harder than I expected. I feel like self-care has become much more embedded in my daily life and routines, that now it is such second nature for me I’m not even thinking about it as self-care. Rather as just those things I do for myself on the daily. I like that feeling. I also like being more intentional about what I’m doing, and so I’m trying to find a good balance.

In exciting news: Wyatt and I got the most adorable house!! We’re moving May 15th. I can’t wait to start fresh, to make a home together, to have places to walk to for a change, and to have a more intentional and purposeful home life.

I’m away for the weekend working at camp teaching three fiber arts classes. I had the most amazing day of teaching, creating, and being inspired. The youth we work with consistently blow me away. Being here is my self-care for the weekend. Camp is one of my absolute favorite places on earth. There are few other places where I feel as grounded. I’m so sad I won’t be here this summer, but I’m making bigger self-care decisions by being in grad school, so it’s a trade off. But being here now is really good and revitalizing for me. Looking forward to a full day of teaching tomorrow and then heading home to get ready for the week to come.

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day 112.

new moon manifesting.

wishing and dreaming on my new living situation.

consulted the cards:

it says: “ripening conditions, finding each other, gathering together, and developing strong bonds. It signifies the beginning of a new relationship that is guided by deep understanding and mutual equity…In a collaborative sense, partnerships are forged with differences being transcended…things are happening on a heart level and shouldn’t be reasoned out by logic. Be open and feel your way through the situation.”

that feels pretty damn good as I embark on this new home adventure with Wyatt. I’m ready for it.

day 107.

After my long-ass day of work and school, I’m finally snuggled up in bed about to get in some self-care.

It will consist of: reading for fun (the leather daddy and the femme, oh so good!), probably jerking off, and then sleep before 11:30.

Ready, set, go.

days 101-106.

I’ve had a week full of really amazing self-care, friend time, work, and school. And I decided not to write about it. I’ve been limiting my internet time and part of that has involved not writing on this blog for a few days. I felt like the break was needed and I also feel like I’m ready to get back to documenting and chronically this adventure publicly. I think more breaks will definitely happen, as it has been really good for me to spend less time on the computer and more time interacting, playing, laughing, taking care, and soaking up the sunshine in real life.

On the agenda for the rest of the night:

• Make my bed. Oh the joys of clean sheets. It’s the little things, really.
• Prep lunch and dinner for tomorrow. I need to be ready for the long day of work/school ahead.
• Finish assigned reading (20 pages tops), all that’s left of the week’s homework load.
• Sleep. By 11. I can do it.

day 100.

So, I wasn’t going to write here today as I’ve been taking a bit of space from the internet (some self-care right there) but then I realized that today, Monday, April 9th, is the 100th day of this project!! And that just feels like a milestone I couldn’t pass on.

Today marked the second week of my new term at school, which meant a 13+ hour day between work, school, and commute. I’m surprised to say that it went really well and I don’t feel like I want to tear my hair out or cry or anything of the sort. I think the good weather helped, as well as having really delicious homemade food to eat. And getting adequate sleep, although I do need to be better about going to bed early on Sunday nights for the rest of the term I think. Now I’m snuggled up with the little dog, my heating pad, and a book not related to school at all with plans to be asleep in less than an hour.

Some things I’m thinking about as I move into the next 265(6) days of this project:

• More time away from the internet
• More time in the sunshine/spent outside
• More cooking and good food
• More quality, intentional, grounding friend time
• Prioritizing sleep
• Prioritizing my time in general/not compromising what matters most to me
• More witchy woo spiritual practice happening
• More kink/leather exploration
• Moving! and creating my dream home with my plp, Wyatt
• Continuing to love myself. every. single. day.

day 98 and day 99.

I had such a full weekend of homework, good food, and friend time.

Some highlights:

I went skating at open skate on Saturday, which felt amazing after not having been on skates in a few weeks. I treated myself to some new wheels as I’m pretty sure my old ones were the cause of some recurring shin splint issues, and that shit is just no fun. And I caught up with my friend, which is always just so good.

Sunday I spent time in the sunshine, got all of my homework finished on the earlyish side (I’m trying to get off to a good start this term), caught up with my bestie who I hadn’t seen since before Spring break, and made delicious curried veggie rice noodles for my lunches this week. I’m really trying to prioritize cooking on the weekends, and it felt so good to make it happen.

And also, I just have to say it, sunshine makes everything better. Portland is so not disappointing me this Spring. It has just been beautiful out.

day 97.

Clearly it is a full moon today. Feeling the effects so hard, it’s unbelievable. I suffered not one but two kitchen disasters in finishing up my Passover dishes. Luckily, I salvaged both and made the most of it. They actually turned out quite delicious, especially my variation on this cake, but I hate it when I fail in the kitchen. I literally had to practice some deep calming breaths and take a break before I could head out for the evening.

Thankfully I turned it around and went to a lovely radical queer seder hosted by some friends of mine. The whole night was just perfect, and it felt so good to be surrounded by queer jews and sweet people and so much good food. It made the hectic day totally worth it. Hag sameach!!

day 96.

Prepping for the upcoming holiday: baked a gluten-free cake and prepped veggies for farfel. More time in the kitchen, clearing my head, doing what I love to do. So looking forward to queer Passover this year!

day 95.

Today instead of having my usual epic self-care Wednesday, I spent some time supporting a dear friend of mine going through a tough time. It felt important to be there for her and her partner in that way. My friendships mean the world to me, and it feels good to be in a place where I can lend support without feeling like I am stretching myself too thin. I’m such a giver, and a caretaker, because that’s just what I do, but sometimes it’s to my detriment. Again, prioritizing self-care these past few months has really helped me become more aware of what I can and cannot give. And that feels really good to know.

day 94.

Made an amazing diner for myself, with enough leftovers for lunches for the rest of the week. One of the things I’m going to work hard on for the next month is cooking more. I realized that cooking for myself was one of the first things to go out the window when school and work got to be too much. I ate out so much last quarter, and spent a lot of money doing so. I know that I do have to cut myself some slack here and there, but it is one of those things that I’m really going to work on, especially since cooking is so grounding for me.