day 263.

Today self-care looked like going to the dentist.

I tend to write mostly about the self-care I do that makes me feel good, or is fun, or is tender/heart-filling.  Mainly because well, it makes me feel good, and I want to share it and document it. But also because it is generally much prettier/nicer/easier than talking about health stuff, or the more mundane day-to-day self-care that I’m also actively working on. But self-care for me is also always about taking care of my body, and sometimes that means doing things that really freak me out like going to the dentist. So I wanted to put it down in this project too.

I haven’t had my teeth cleaned in years. I have so much shame around this fact. I didn’t have dental insurance for a long time, and I couldn’t afford to take care of my teeth the way I wanted to. When I finally could afford to get a cleaning, I was so embarrassed about how long it had been that I just kept putting it off (totally counterproductive, but there you have it). So embarrassment turned to fear and I just felt so stuck about it. But since I got the job I have now, and finally have somewhat decent insurance, I have made it a priority to take care of my teeth; to take a deep breath and push past what was stopping me. I sobbed the first time I went to the dentist again. I’ve had numerous cavities taken care of and today I had the first half of a big deep cleaning done. I go back on Wednesday for the second half. It is my goal from here on out to keep up with regular cleanings and be even better about home care. And I will try my best not to let my fear get the best of me again.

 

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