Frame your bad pictures
in gold and silver
hang them prominently
where you’ll notice them everyday
until you see every pockmark and blemish as nothing
Frame your scars in ink and lace
leather and fleece
around the time and place
where you came from
Frame your shame
in a scrapbook of hope
with the prettiest colors
and pictures of the best people you’ve ever known
Frame the churning doubt in your stomach
until it becomes the ocean’s reliable rhythm
until you find those broken parts of yourself
like pieces of sand dollars
precious and necessary
Frame your heart
with open doors
and room to grow
Frame your self or whatever you call your soul
with trust and patience
accountability and love
and treat your self
as well as you’ve ever treated anyone
The new Vol.Up.2 issue is out and it is beautiful, like always.
And, this little blog is featured on page 388!! I’m so excited to be a part of a project I love so much. Vol.Up.2 is inspiring, gorgeous, and fierce as hell. Velvet d’Amour does an incredible job making this magazine a reality. I regularly look at the issues for inspiration, body love, and just to see fat babes loving who they are. Definitely a source of self-care.
the artist of bones, the seeker of bones, the apprentice of bones.
I rarely pull the bones suit, even though it is secretly my favorite. It is the earth suit, and I clearly identify with it as a through and through Capricorn (in many ways, anyway). What I got from this reading (excerpted from the Collective Tarot card descriptions):
The artist of bones: nurture yourself in just the way that you need (and deserve) to be nurtured. This card is about health, place, groundedness and self-love…We need to feel love for our bodies; we need to feel at home. You are at a point now where you have learned what it is that you desire in order to feel safe, happy and whole.
The seeker of bones: She comes when we are in the midst of a new dream. She is playful and resourceful. She is observant and can “zero in” her sights on what is directly in front of her. she is you. If you pull this card in a reading it is an indication of a quest, a search for something, a need that may just be coming in to your consciousness, or something you have always known you wanted. You are in the process of embarking on that quest. Enjoy the thrill of the search!
The apprentice of bones: If you draw this card, it is likely that you too have started on a course of study in a specific area of interest, or that you crave such an experience…it is likely that life is pointing you in the direction of the educational experience that will most suit you. It may be your life’s work. You must remember your internal strength, intelligence, and core worth. Be discriminating. Take responsibility for your education.
Have I mentioned how much I love the Collective Tarot? They just launched the 3rd printing of the deck, and I highly recommend you treat yourself to one. One of the best self-care decisions I ever made, as I am frequently turning to it for guidance and reflection.
Today I treated myself to Pina in 3D for finishing my first quarter of grad school. I love dance so much, and I just loved every minute of this film. It was like nothing I’ve ever seen before. A true experience, especially in 3D. Go see it.
You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.
Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.
I haven’t had a poem resonate this hard with me in a long time. It encapsulates my goals/hopes/dreams with this project (and where I’m currently at in my life) perfectly.
Thank you to Wesley Flash and his How to Love Project. The project is wrapping up now at the end of February, and I have so enjoyed reading through it and gathering information to inform my own love process. I struggled with filling out his survey, but I finally did it after midnight last night. I wanted to be a part of the project, even though my own feelings around love and being in love are complicated and raw right now, still. I’m glad I contributed and doing it helped me heal it all a little more. And I agree with Wesley when he writes:
love makes all of us do/feel/and say stupid shit, but it doesnt matter because, to us, in those sacred moments, love conquers all. we all want to believe this and many of us always do and for most of us, at some point in our lives, love is all we’ve needed to make it through the night. which is what makes the loss of it so tragic, terrifying, and real.
And also for me, love and loving myself is also about learning how to mourn. And how to get back to knowing myself by heart.
Looking into astrology is a newer thing for me. Maybe it’s living in Portland, maybe it’s just really finding some insight in what I’ve been reading and going through, maybe it’s my Saturn Return. Who knows. What I do know is that I really love reading this blog and giving some greater context to what I’m dealing with at an acute level.
Emily Trinkaus, the author, writing on the upcoming new moon in Pisces and hitting it home for me again and again:
Stepping into the ocean of grief takes courage — there can be a fear that if we really dive into it, we might drown. Traditional cultures typically provide containers for grieving through ritual space, but in Western culture, grieving is not honored as an essential process for the health of individuals and the community. In fact, pharmaceuticals are now routinely prescribed to “treat” grief, as if grieving were a disorder rather than an appropriate, necessary response to loss…
Every New Moon calls us inward. The night sky is bereft of moonlight, vitality is low, and we’re in that limbo space between the end of one cycle and the beginning of the next. The Pisces New Moon, Tuesday at 2:35pm PST, especially wants us to turn down the volume on outer-world activity and mental distractions, and tune into the realm of feelings. Create a safe space for yourself to feel whatever feelings you’ve been avoiding or repressing, and trust that if you go all the way through, you will come out the other side, cleansed and renewed.
I feel like I’ve been processing a lot of grief over the past few months, and for the first time in my life really giving it the space it needs.
Tomorrow, on the new moon, I plan on continuing this work and taking her words to heart.
Woo Alert: I’m a capricorn with a taurus moon and a cancer rising. Needless to say, if you know about these sorts of things, home is something that is extremely important to me. I daydream all the damn time about having my own little place tucked away in the woods somewhere. A place to call my own.
Created by supermodel Velvet d’Amour, the first supersize-plus model to infiltrate the elite world of Parisian couture,encourages readers to revel in their every “imperfection” and celebrate their bodies in their glorious entirety. Born out of Ms. d’Amour’s work to expand society’s limited notion of beauty by building awareness about women of every size and shape, the magazine is a visual celebration of full-figured beauty, combined with a self-affirming message of inspiration.
The debut issue of will go live on Valentine’s Day and will touch upon the theme of Ecstasy. Future issues will feature themes such as Femininity and Zest. Contributors of photographic work and essays are invited to submit work for consideration.