day 366.

The last day of 2012.

I spent the last few hours of the year playing games and eating good food with friends at a small gathering. At 11 I headed home to wrap up the year alone, reflecting on all that I have accomplished and all that I am looking forward to in the year to come. I wrote intentions, consulted the cards, ate a satsuma and some good chocolate, and cuddle with my dog. It felt like the perfect way to end my year of self-care. With love and joy and intention.

I started 2013 by taking a bubble bath and reading by candlelit. Starting another year of self-care off right.

Now that the year is complete, I won’t be writing here anymore. I will be tracking my self-care in other, less public ways and dreaming up more projects for the years to come, and plan to look back on this blog as a tool and a reminder.

I am proud of myself for completing this project; for making self-care an integral part of my year and life. I have learned so much about myself, my community, and the way I want to go through my days. For me, self-care is vital.

I am looking forward to what the future holds, for all of us.

Be good to yourself. xo.

intentions for 2013.

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day 150.

So, I moved (almost 2 weeks ago). I’ve been without consistent internet. And grad school is overwhelming me right now. But I’ve practiced self-care. Every day. Bit by bit. Little by little. I just haven’t had the time to document it. Mostly it has been in the form of settling into my new home, taking deep breaths to ease the stress, cooking good food, staying on top of my school work as much as possible, spending time with the animals, hot dirty times, and getting my gardening on.

Today I spent the evening gardening after doing some homework. I’m so excited about my new yard and all of the potential and possibilities. It needs a lot of work because it is completely overgrown and out of control, but it is beautiful and so lush. The flowers are just blowing me away right now. I want to learn about all of the different things we have growing out there. I planted a small plot of vegetables so we’ll have tomatoes, spinach, arugula, cucumbers, and strawberries. I still need to plant some herbs as well. It is a perfect little kitchen garden.

The garden is going to be my summer decompression spot for sure. There is nothing like putting your hands in the dirt, working hard, quieting your head, and just getting to it. I love it.

days 120-128.

a week of self-care, at a glance:

• time in the sun (when it was actually sunny)
• going through all of my belongings and doing some major purging
• organizing and packing the things I am keeping
• cooking a delicious meal with Wyatt and setting intentions for our new home
• friend time/heart time
• ice cream
• sleep (but never enough)
• staying on top of homework
• iced coffee
• sex
• time under the full moon
• picking lilacs
• late night walk under the stars
• checking items off my to-do list
• listening to myself/speaking up/voicing my feelings
• trusting that it will all get done, and trying my best not to stress too much

day 119.

I haven’t abandoned this project, I swear. I do feel like I’ve gotten away from it a little bit, and getting back into the habit of writing and documenting has been harder than I expected. I feel like self-care has become much more embedded in my daily life and routines, that now it is such second nature for me I’m not even thinking about it as self-care. Rather as just those things I do for myself on the daily. I like that feeling. I also like being more intentional about what I’m doing, and so I’m trying to find a good balance.

In exciting news: Wyatt and I got the most adorable house!! We’re moving May 15th. I can’t wait to start fresh, to make a home together, to have places to walk to for a change, and to have a more intentional and purposeful home life.

I’m away for the weekend working at camp teaching three fiber arts classes. I had the most amazing day of teaching, creating, and being inspired. The youth we work with consistently blow me away. Being here is my self-care for the weekend. Camp is one of my absolute favorite places on earth. There are few other places where I feel as grounded. I’m so sad I won’t be here this summer, but I’m making bigger self-care decisions by being in grad school, so it’s a trade off. But being here now is really good and revitalizing for me. Looking forward to a full day of teaching tomorrow and then heading home to get ready for the week to come.

days 101-106.

I’ve had a week full of really amazing self-care, friend time, work, and school. And I decided not to write about it. I’ve been limiting my internet time and part of that has involved not writing on this blog for a few days. I felt like the break was needed and I also feel like I’m ready to get back to documenting and chronically this adventure publicly. I think more breaks will definitely happen, as it has been really good for me to spend less time on the computer and more time interacting, playing, laughing, taking care, and soaking up the sunshine in real life.

On the agenda for the rest of the night:

• Make my bed. Oh the joys of clean sheets. It’s the little things, really.
• Prep lunch and dinner for tomorrow. I need to be ready for the long day of work/school ahead.
• Finish assigned reading (20 pages tops), all that’s left of the week’s homework load.
• Sleep. By 11. I can do it.

day 100.

So, I wasn’t going to write here today as I’ve been taking a bit of space from the internet (some self-care right there) but then I realized that today, Monday, April 9th, is the 100th day of this project!! And that just feels like a milestone I couldn’t pass on.

Today marked the second week of my new term at school, which meant a 13+ hour day between work, school, and commute. I’m surprised to say that it went really well and I don’t feel like I want to tear my hair out or cry or anything of the sort. I think the good weather helped, as well as having really delicious homemade food to eat. And getting adequate sleep, although I do need to be better about going to bed early on Sunday nights for the rest of the term I think. Now I’m snuggled up with the little dog, my heating pad, and a book not related to school at all with plans to be asleep in less than an hour.

Some things I’m thinking about as I move into the next 265(6) days of this project:

• More time away from the internet
• More time in the sunshine/spent outside
• More cooking and good food
• More quality, intentional, grounding friend time
• Prioritizing sleep
• Prioritizing my time in general/not compromising what matters most to me
• More witchy woo spiritual practice happening
• More kink/leather exploration
• Moving! and creating my dream home with my plp, Wyatt
• Continuing to love myself. every. single. day.

self-care ideas.

Finally got around to posting this, almost 2.5 months into the project.

An epic list, for reference:

• go for a walk
• take a bath
• sing
• dance in my room, naked if possible
• listen to music
• listen to shake it off
• go dancing
• give myself a manicure/pedicure
• take myself out and get a manicure/pedicure
• read for pleasure
• call a friend
• watch something funny on netflix or youtube
• visit a friend
• move your body
• exercise
• go skating
• do yoga
• stretch
• swing on the swings
• get massage
• get acupuncture
• get out of the house
• nap
• sleep in
• eat chocolate
• cook a meal just for myself
• cook a meal for friends
• cook with friends
• eat ice cream
• eat olives, bread, and cheese (call amithyst to do this with you)
• eat pickled things
• make pickled things
• call your gramma
• cook a recipe I’ve never tried before
• go out to eat, especially thai, sushi, vietnamese, or lebanese
• share food with someone
• play with Biscuit, the tiny dog
• pet a cat
• spend time with the chickens
• look at funny blogs such as: damn you, auto correct, when parents text, animals talking in all caps, etc.
• watch animal videos online
• watch an animal/nature documentary
• watch any documentary
• watch a children’s movie
• watch the how to be alone video, again
• watch the power of vulnerability video, again
• watch inflate my heart with 1000 gushes of wind, again
• watch dance movies, any and all, the cheesier the better
• bake cookies
• just bake in general
• take myself to the movies
• go to the soaking pool
• go swimming
• do water aerobics
• drive to nature
• walk in the woods
• put my hands in the earth
• go to the dog park
• go to the coast
• go to the river
• play a game with a friend(s), cards, yahtzee, etc.
• play a video game
• buy cheap jewelry at forever 21
• buy a hot outfit
• do some internet dream shopping
• do some actual internet shopping
• have a photo shoot
• get a haircut
• make something with my hands: collage, embroider, knit, crochet, sew
• make art
• look at art
• sew my own clothes
• go thrifting
• go to brunch
• go to a flea market
• learn a new skill
• color a picture
• go to a spa
• go to a bookstore
• buy a book
• buy a piece of art
• go to the tea house
• go to a coffee shop
• clean my room
• clean my bathroom
• clean out my closet
• change my sheets
• burn some palo santo
• go to fat fancy
• go to the nickel arcade
• play pinball
• visit a museum
• visit an art gallery
• meditate
• take pictures
• garden
• read poetry
• read a magazine
• do some impromptu art
• write letters
• write things down that you like about yourself
• write a love letter to your body
• journal
• draw
• jerk off
• have sex
• buy new sex toys
• take myself on a hot date
• buy new shoes
• make a list of things i’d like to do before you die
• write a letter to someone who has made my life better and tell them why
• buy myself flowers
• order dinner in
• say no
• turn off the computer for a set amount of time
• turn off my phone for a set amount of time
• people watch
• have a harry potter movie marathon
• have a lord of the rings movie marathon
• take a mental health day from work
• have energy work done
• read about astrology
• do a tarot reading
• tell myself “i love you”
• go window shopping
• have a game night
• spend the day exploring portland, go places i don’t normally go
• do absolutely nothing
• wear something that makes me feel beautiful and confident
• get a makeover at MAC
• buy make-up
• do a face mask/facial
• have a pajama day
• take a spontaneous trip
• let go of belongings i no longer love or use
• lay in the grass and watch the clouds
• set intentions
• take deep breaths
• make wishes
• go on a picnic
• practice forgiveness
• have an adventure day
• hug someone
• go stargazing
• watch the sunset/sunrise
• give compliments
• give compliments to myself
• rinse, repeat

What do you do for self-care?

day 51.

Today’s self-care looked like a hair cut and color from my amazingly talented friend Naomi. Seriously, she is so good at what she does. Getting my hair done is my biggest beauty splurge, and I honestly feel like it is totally worth it (luckily this time I had a coupon for 50% off color, which didn’t hurt).

I also slept in because it was a holiday and I didn’t have to go to work. I was up way too late the night before and had spent a decent amount of time crying (it was a good kind of emotional release sort of crying, but boy, did it wipe me out), and the sleep was much needed. And because I still didn’t feel totally with it after getting my hair done, I made the decision to skip class. Just this one time.

I’m glad I did, as I went home and napped and then went out for wings with my housemate. I would have been totally useless in class, and I don’t want to be there if I can’t be fully present and participate. I was emotionally and physically drained.  So, I gave myself the night off. I’m learning through this process that a lot of what self-care is about is prioritizing my time and being really honest with myself about what I need when. Tonight, I needed to not be in class. And I’m ok with that.

day 46.

Wednesdays are turning into big-time self-care days. It’s nice to have a day off of work in the middle of the week to get shit done and take really good care of myself.

Today I had counseling. I decided to go back to every week due to having a lot more stuff come up emotionally recently. I think it’s a good move on my part for now. And it is really helpful to talk stuff out and feel really safe to do that kind of work.

After counseling, I had acupuncture. An hour on that table is all I need sometimes. She did some emotional work on me as well this week. I’m trying to hit it from all angles. Can’t hurt.

I also went to clary sage herbarium today for the first time. I picked up a clearing flower essence blend for removing negativity. I was making my own blend for awhile using bach’s flower essences and a gem essence, mostly for stress relief and anxiety, but I stopped using it awhile ago. I haven’t really felt the need for it, in a good way. I was talking today with my housemate about how when things feel good, we let simple self-care stuff slide. But when things aren’t so awesome we return to them. Because they help, even if it’s just a mental shift that’s happening. And how really, I should be doing this kind of maintenance self-care all the time. This project is partly about breaking that pattern for me. So I’m going to be more intentional about taking flower essences, and I think adding this clearing blend to the mix is really good for me.

I also bought a delicious loaf of rosemary green olive bread and some brie to go with it. And some coconut macaroon ice cream! I shouldn’t have gone to the grocery store so hungry, but I think I made some good choices in terms of food splurges.

And day 15 of fatshion february!

day 40.

Today is the first day since starting this project that I’ve really struggled to meet my goal of one act of intentional self-care a day. I don’t really know what it is about today, but I don’t like it. I feel blah, uninspired, tired. After such an epic day of self-care yesterday, you’d think I’d be on a roll. But just not today. I couldn’t even muster a fatshion february post.

If there’s one thing that this project has taught me thus far though, it’s this: don’t be so hard on yourself. Treat yourself with the kindness and care you deserve. Take it easy when you need to and take a break every once in awhile.

That is self-care too, and I need to keep reminding myself of that.

So, tonight, I’m doing just that. Letting myself feel what it is I need to feel about today, taking it easy, drinking some stress less tea, spending a few minutes drawing, and going to bed early.

and today, that’s enough.